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Movies -- Star Wars Ep 3

The final chapter of the Star Wars series tell the tale of Skywalker's fall to Darth Vader and the rise of the evil Emperor. As with all the Star Wars movies hype abounds with many critics praising this film as one of the best. Is that really the case?

In a word...NO! Or another way? HELL NO! Sorry folks, but Episode 3 sucks. Its a horrible movie. Why? Because its like trying to make a movie about one of Tolkien's History of Middle Earth books. It's not meant to be a story, its a listing of facts and histories, and thats exactly what this movie feels like.

It all begins with the acting and direction from Lucas. You know you're in trouble when the best range of any actor in the film comes from one which is all digital...the little green guy, Yoda. Just how bad is it? There were times when I just about burst out laughing. In fact I could almost see Homer Simpson providing some direction. "I love you" "No, I love you." STAR WIPE AND CUT! Now I know the side wipes are a tradition to the films, but when there's another one every 5 minutes it gets annoying.

Literally the cut scenes are like something out of a video game. In fact, thats actually insulting to some video games. There were at least a half dozen times in the movie, where we'd cut to a scene where there would be two lines of lame dialogue and then immediately cut to another scene.

What Lucas doesn't understand is what this does to the audience. The average viewer couldn't care less about anyone in this film. They are never really given a chance to feel what any of the characters are feeling. We're just praying for the next fight scene to come so we don't have to listen to the awkward dialogue between Skywalker and his wife or even the cardboard cut out that Sam Jackson and Jimmy Smitts play.

Also, what was a great bright spot, perhaps the lone bright spots in the previous films were the lightsaber battles. While entertaining, even these don't match up to the previous ones. Yoda's fight with the Emperor is far and away the most entertaining. The conclusion to the whole Obi-wan vs. Vader fight is almost laughable.

"I bet I can jump higher than you!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can! Watch me fly!"

Zzzzzph!

"Ahh my legs are gone!"

"Told you, you couldn't fly! Now I'll walk away and assume you'll die in the fire. Ha ha!"

Stupid shit folks and its sad to say.

A lot of the movie just feels forced to make the history match up to the of the original Star Wars film and appeal to geeks with familiar names. Great example comes from the battle involving the Wookies. There's about 10 total mins in the film of the Wookies fighting Droids and most of it is just them jumping up and down shouting...but as Yoda leaves the planet, he tosses a cya Chewbacca line. Why? What the hell was the point of even having the Wookies in the film other than to drop that line and appeal to a bunch of fanboys?

The one thing I will give Lucas props on is the very end. There is about 15 mins wrapping everything up with the Twins, Yoda, Obi-wan, and the creation of the Vader we know and love. Its a nice finish that picks up what was an otherwise, poorly constructed, and badly acted out film.

I want my 3 hours and 8.75 back. Really this is the worst of all the films. At least the first one had Darth Maul and Liam in it. The second one had Yoda and Sam Jackson being badass. I thought this was a supremely pathetic flick.

IMO the only reasons its getting good reviews is because its the last. Almost like how Return of the King got the most awards, though most didn't think RotK wasnt the best of the 3. But the difference here is, RotK was still great and it was being measured up against 2 outstanding films. Revenge of the Sith is only trying to live up to 2 films that were marginal at best before it and it still manages to fall short.

"The Jedi Council doesn't have faith in me."

Of course not, I wouldn't either since you wear black, look evil, can't act your way out of a paper bag, and have the emotional range of Ernest P. World.

Lights out on Star Wars and I couldn't be happier. I'll go back to happily pretending there are only 3 films in the series....at least I got to see a preview for "The Lion, The Witch, and Wardrobe!" Kickass!

19 May 2005 by Tom

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Past Reviews:
Ghost Rider, by Tom posted on 05 Mar 2007
Wild Hogs, by Tom posted on 05 Mar 2007
Rocky Balboa, by Tom posted on 02 Jan 2007
The Pick of Destiny , by Tom posted on 04 Dec 2006
Deja Vu, by Tom posted on 04 Dec 2006
Stranger Than Fiction, by Tom posted on 20 Nov 2006
Flags of Our Fathers, by Tom posted on 07 Nov 2006
Beerfest, by Tom posted on 01 Sep 2006
Snakes on a Plane, by Tom posted on 21 Aug 2006
Miami Vice, by Tom posted on 31 Jul 2006
Clerks 2, by Tom posted on 25 Jul 2006
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest , by Tom posted on 10 Jul 2006
Superman Returns, by Tom posted on 10 Jul 2006
Nacho Libre, by Tom posted on 19 Jun 2006
X3: Last Stand, by Tom posted on 30 May 2006
The DaVinci Code, by Tom posted on 30 May 2006
Mission Impossible 3, by Tom posted on 08 May 2006
Silent Hill, by Tom posted on 28 Apr 2006
The Benchwarmers, by Tom posted on 27 Apr 2006
Final Fantasy VII, by Tom posted on 26 Apr 2006
Scary Movie 4, by Tom posted on 25 Apr 2006
Lucky Number Slevin, by Tom posted on 11 Apr 2006
Inside Man, by Tom posted on 28 Mar 2006
V for Vendetta, by Tom posted on 20 Mar 2006
16 Blocks, by Tom posted on 12 Mar 2006
Ultraviolet, by Tom posted on 06 Mar 2006
Date Movie, by Tom posted on 20 Feb 2006
The Matador, by Tom posted on 07 Feb 2006
Underworld: Evolution, by Tom posted on 30 Jan 2006
The Producers, by Tom posted on 06 Jan 2006
Movie Awards Preview, by Tom posted on 28 Dec 2005
Fun with Dick and Jane, by Tom posted on 27 Dec 2005
King Kong, by Tom posted on 23 Dec 2005
The Chronicles of Narnia, by Tom posted on 12 Dec 2005
The Ice Harvest, by Tom posted on 28 Nov 2005
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire , by Tom posted on 22 Nov 2005
Jarhead, by Tom posted on 07 Nov 2005
The Legend of Zorro, by Tom posted on 31 Oct 2005
Clerks 2 Preview, by Tom posted on 28 Oct 2005
Domino, by Tom posted on 17 Oct 2005
Waiting, by Tom posted on 10 Oct 2005
Stewie Griffon: The Untold Story, by Tom posted on 30 Sep 2005
Monty Python's Spamalot, by Tom posted on 15 Sep 2005
The 40 Year Old Virgin, by Tom posted on 07 Sep 2005
Transporter 2, by Tom posted on 06 Sep 2005
The Brothers Grimm, by Tom posted on 29 Aug 2005
Four Brothers, by Tom posted on 22 Aug 2005
Fantastic Four, by Tom posted on 09 Jul 2005
War of the Worlds, by Tom posted on 06 Jul 2005
Land of the Dead, by Tom posted on 29 Jun 2005
Batman Begins, by Tom posted on 20 Jun 2005
The Longest Yard, by Tom posted on 10 Jun 2005
Summer movie blockbusters!, by Tom posted on 24 May 2005
Star Wars Ep 3, by Tom posted on 19 May 2005
Unleashed, by Tom posted on 14 May 2005
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, by Tom posted on 03 May 2005
Sahara, by Tom posted on 11 Apr 2005
Sin City, by Tom posted on 04 Apr 2005
Constantine, by Tom posted on 20 Feb 2005
Assault on Precinct 13 , by Tom posted on 30 Jan 2005
Meet the Fockers, by Tom posted on 28 Dec 2004
Ocean's Twelve, by Tom posted on 28 Dec 2004
Blade 3, by Tom posted on 28 Dec 2004
National Treasure, by Tom posted on 29 Nov 2004
After the Sunset, by Tom posted on 13 Nov 2004
The Incredibles, by Tom posted on 10 Nov 2004
The Grudge, by Tom posted on 23 Oct 2004
Team America: World Police, by Tom posted on 18 Oct 2004
Shaun of the Dead, by Tom posted on 30 Sep 2004
Mr. 3000, by Tom posted on 18 Sep 2004
Resident Evil: Apocalypse, by Tom posted on 17 Sep 2004
Hero, by Tom posted on 06 Sep 2004
Suspect Zero, by Tom posted on 04 Sep 2004
Alien vs. Predator, by Tom posted on 15 Aug 2004
Collateral, by Tom posted on 07 Aug 2004
The Manchurian Candidate, by Tom posted on 01 Aug 2004
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, by Tom posted on 31 Jul 2004
Bourne Supremecy, by Tom posted on 24 Jul 2004
I, Robot, by Tom posted on 20 Jul 2004